my city

HOW THE FUCK IS ANYONE SUPPOSE TO SURVIVE HERE. There is no work at all. No one can get a house is the land of the free or the land of the fucking spoiled and rich and popular get what they want while people with no connections can not even get on there feet. I was born here I deserve the right to work and live just like everyone else. I don't ask for a lot but I am tired of having fucking nothing and having no way to obtain it unless I go to some college for years of my life and try to live off of nothing. Being poor in America is bullshit they are not trying to fix it they don't even seem to fucking care. Where are the unions why isn't our government doing something about this. Oh they have bigger problems like fixing fucking other countries and ignoring there own people. Well fuck Obama fuck democracy and fuck our FUCKING GOVERNMENT.

Everyone

Always acts like its such a surprise when people kill themselves. Yet I am sure there were signs suicide is a last ditch effort when people feel like they have no other way out of there misery except to just end it all. Maybe if everyone wasn't so fucking selfish we wouldn't have suicide problems...

Wow

So alot has happened. I got arrested yesterday...never stealing anything again but that doesn't mean I don't have to go to court wich I do. It seems like everyone in the world all decides to turn there back on me all at once. I lost my girlfriend. I have gone through alot of girlfriends in my short time on this planet but she really made me feel like what we had was real and I never had to worry about losing her. Then I lost her. At first I was mad about it and didn't say anything. Stuidest thing I could have ever done. Maybe if I would have said something she wouldn't have left me. But my stubborness once again puts me in pain. I hate who I am. I am going to join job Corps. Which means I am moving away. Maybe if I get a fresh start where nobody knows me I will be more welcomed. Cause so far in the town I was born I am just shunned into depression. And no one should have to live like this. I have to try and live off of 25 dollars a week. Thats what my mom thinks I deserve. I am the biggest loser. Funny thing is a month ago I wouldn't have thought that. Because no matter what happened to me I had the love of someone who was ten hundred times better then me. Theres been so many times lately where I am driving home alone...and I just wanted to let go of the steering wheel floor it and see where I land. That would be funny. I hate sympathy but it seems like I cling to since its the only type of affection I can really get.

I can't sleep again.

I really need a night job like bad. Everyone I know is asleep except for me. I feel like I am stuck in a limbo. When is my life going to take it's next positive turn. I really need to stay positive but lately thats been kind of hard. There really is no one that can compare to you at least nobody I have met. Well how you use to be at least. I remember how surprised I was when I actually started to believe this was all real. I never expected to be in love again. And then I pretty much fucked it up just as bad as the first time. It's so strange that I push away the one thing I want more then anything else in the world.

I have been thinking about alot of stuff lately. Like why people are the way they or why they act or say certain things. Its interesting when you think about the source of what you hear and see instead of simply react to how you normally would. It makes me alot more understanding of people because everyone is just the product of something else. lknfdsjnfsdljasd. I think about so much I wish I could just get it all out into this blog. I probally get about 5 percent of what I think about into this blog wich isn't bad maybe I will let more and more out with time who knows ? "_"

Work Force

So I have decided I am going to sign up for colinary school today. I think it will go over well with me doing something more hands on. I never really did well in school but I think this will be different. I also plan on going to work force. I will have to wake up early and work all day for close to minimal but thats what I will have to do now until I can find a way to make money thats more well steady. The job hunt is still no luck. I can't give up though wich is something I have come close to doing. But I guess its true that wants you hit rock bottem you can only go up.