My first post

Well here it is my first post. I have been up all night thinking about my future. It seems like now that I am 18 and its the time in my life where I should be setting out on my own going to work and school, forging my own life. None of that has happened. Everyday is the same stuff over and over again and it seems everyday I get worse and worse at what I do. Jobs around where I live are practically impossible to get. I must have put in hundreds of applications and not even one call back. Sometimes I wander what it was like getting a job back before the econemy was ravaged. I could have probally picked a job that I actually liked. Now I am just stuck begging like an animal for anyway to get money. Its messed with my head and even who I am. I don't even want to go to college anymore. I use to imagine how amazing it would be moving out of my moms house and living in my own place going to school in the morning then work in the evening. It would have been rough but I know I could have managed.But no work for me none in this town. I was always told that I could be whatever I wanted if I set my mind to it. No one ever told me that you needed money to do that. Money money money the gas that fuels our civalization. I like the idea of it you know. Work to earn it so you can buy things and raise your family everyone gets there own little spot in the world. Not me though I don't even have a spot. I have a wonderful girlfriend good friends but no job. It makes life seem meaningless. All the things people enjoy they enjoy because they earned it. Like coming home after work...suddenly dinner seems so much better once you have worked a full day and need to replenish your energy. But whats the point if you just sat around all day acomplishing nothing. Thats right there is no point. I can relax because I can't work. Its driving me insane lately. I used to be filled with ambitions and motives always thinking as soon as I can get my first job and move out that I can start my own life get my little tiny piece of this world and earn it like a real man in the land of the free. But none of that has happened I was born into a town North Fort Myers Florida. This town on the surface seems like a decent place people going about doing there own thing everyone seems to be getting along but not me. It sometimes feels like everyone else knows something and I don't. I have been lead down many bad paths almost on the brink of insanity it feels like and somehow I have managed to hold on to who I am that may be why I am writing this. I don't have a therapist and can't pay to have one so this will be my outlet the internet. Hi internet my name is Daniel Herrin and I am nothing. I have acomplished nothing in my life wich may be accustomed to the fact that i was suppose to die at a young age. I had a brain problem when I was just 11. Shouldn't have lived but the wanders of medicine kept me alive...sadly it was for no reason. I tried joining the army and funny thing happened. Since I have already recieved my GED they wouldnt accept me without college. However if I hadn't gotten my GED they would have fast tracked me through a course and had me in basic training in a month.But I didn't go I never seem to go anywhere out of this town. Its not even that I wanted to join the services I just hate being poor so god damn much that I was willing to be sent anywhere in the world to dangerous shit...just so I could have my little piece and I didnt even get it. Always thought that the military would be my last resort boy was I wrong.So this is all I have left now...writing that will not get me anywhere just like nothing has ever gotten me anywhere...I feel as if I have the potential to conquer the universe but in reality I cant even move out of my mothers house. Well sorry I got side tracked anyway I am going to start writing in this blog all the time...I doubt anyone will ever read it but I need to know that I am creating something in this world even if its meaningless words on the internet...at least they are my meaningless words.