Who I really am?

First off none of this matters so dont read this you will probally just be annoyed and call me apathetic. Anyway here it goes I feel very disconnected from humans as a whole. I feel like everyone runs off of being fake...in fact I feel like my entire country is based around being fake. And sense everyone around me was fake growing up I became fake in so many different ways that I lost who I really was. And when it came time for me to be who I really was I didn't even know who that person was anymore. I don't know what my ambitions are anymore I use to dream like there was no tomorrow now I don't even dream anymore...I always wanted to be a video game programmer ever since I was a kid. I use to watch my older brother and his friends play the super nintendo when I was just 6 or 7 years old. It was amazing I was infatuated with it especially role playing where I could actually save the world or universe and become some amazing person and actually help people. My favirote game was secret of mana even though I couldnt figure out how to get out of the first town lol. I would just sit for hourse and play it. I learned to read from video games and cartoons. I remember whenever rugrats would come on I would be determined to read the intro that was the title of the episode and I use to love to watch it. Sadly most of tv has lost interest to me unless it something on history or discovery i normally dont watch the same reused content over and over again for me it feels like a dead medium thats pretty much been tapped. That is how video games are for me now they all just seems so pointless to me. Understand now that games werent just my hobby growing up they were my life I couldnt find anything that could hold my interest like they did...now its all gone and with it so is my happiness. I am starting to think maybe I just like learning new things even if i dont become and expert on one thing or stick with it long I like to figure it out and understand it...all though my need to understand everything normally ruins it for me. I was the kid in school who always asked tons of questions. And I was horrible at math and the reason for that is I couldnt wrap my head around formulas. For me to remember something i need to be able to think of why i am doing something like physically how does it work and school was pretty bad at teaching me that they just drilled me with equations...I always felt like I was just learning stuff but with no real intent for it and like they didnt give me a purpose to learn it. If when I was young they would have been like you need to go to school so you can learn how to build computers I would have been like sweet then I would have gone to school and built up a repitoire of skills for that purpose. But all I ever felt was that all the skills I learned if you want to call them that are dissasociated with each other. yes they are basics and i understand i need to know them but a little more hands on learning with a more focused outcome would have been nice. So yeah i fucked my schooling and got a GED. No money to go to college so I could actually learned some more focused skill sets. By now you have probally noticed I have add in the fact that the topic of my writing keeps skipping...I think thats another one of my problems with school I get so damn bored its just boring for me listening to the same thing day in and out. I am a hands on type of person I like doing stuff interacting with people I hate filling out answers on a damn piece of paper thats going to end up in the trash.